FIF vs. MOM by Shari Moraga

Uncategorized Mar 14, 2018

The “Future is Female” was coined in the 70s, when women were finally being recognized as more than baby makers. 

I was raised by a feminist, but my mother really had to pick and choose her battles a lot more carefully. You want to study in France for a semester? Choosing a state school over early acceptance at Harvard because your boyfriend doesn’t want to lose you? These are no brainers today. But back then they weren’t.

BUT…the one thing that certainly hasn’t changed as easily as making a decision about education and travel: the choice to be a mother.

I never dreamed of having children. When playing “house” as a kid, I never wanted to be the mom. Having kids was never on my radar.

After graduating college, I meandered a bit, until I found my career. Not one to take orders well, it was apparent that I was going to have to be my own boss. I ended up spending my 20s and 30s painting murals. Rewarding, creative, and a hell of a moneymaker.  I was proud of my career, my parents were proud. I was happy.

I wasn’t thinking about kids, unless they had 4 legs and a tail.

 

I married my best friend. We traveled a lot. We bought a mountain house. We had dogs, we had chickens and we agreed not to have children.

So here is the self-care part:

at 39 I wanted to be a mom to a human

 

This was big, a real BIGGIE.  It was one of those factors that could break a marriage.

It almost did.  After lots of talking, and some fighting, my awesome husband was on board. Talk about fighting for preservation. Preservation of self, of a marriage, of your spouse’s own dreams. I knew that what I needed starting the next chapter, my 40s, was to be a mom and I fought for my “self.”

at 41 I became one

 

Today, my smart, delicious son, and my husband’s other best friend, is approaching 12. 

 

Like they said in the 70s: RIGHT ON!

 

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