Time For Every Season

"Time Of The Season"
“It's the time of the season

When love runs high
In this time, give it to me easy

And let me try with pleasured hands...  

(To take you in the sun to) Promised lands
(To show you every one)
It's the time of the season for loving” ...  Zombies lyrics

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( Welcome to the planet! Me... 1969.)

Change??!!... Bring it!!

This has not always been my response to the dreaded word... change. Love of the comfortable familiar has always been my default; ironically, the main cause of much of my sadness/angst over these past 48 years... I’ve always lamented that as soon as I become happy, set, “used to” something... it’s gone. My great sadness has been the need to constantly recreate myself every two-three years or so...

Until these past two years! I now revel in this mess called change! I hope this statement doesn’t turn around to bite me in the proverbial butt... but I love the anticipation of what may come next! Maybe this is a natural process that hits after the perfection of my twenties, and the successful drive of my thirties...

I shudder when I recall a comment from a friend that I was taking a “half a%$#@” approach” when I refused to stress over minor details of a project we shared...

I have always been a driven perfectionist... this always ended in what I considered excellent results, with a huge case of anxiety, frustration, and dissatisfaction. Somewhere along the way, I realized... if I work in a state of laser focus, with a healthy dose of joy/enjoyment/self forgiveness/humor and relaxed ease... I have even better results... without the added, unwelcome bonus of estranging/stressing all I work with in the process... win/win.

Not a realization that developed overnight! And I must say, I am thankful for my husband, who helped me in forming this new, self love perspective!

Once upon a time...

 

 (Tiger Lillies... tiger slippers! 3yr)

(Tiger Lillies... tiger slippers! 3yr)

There was a little girl who wanted to grow up to be a beautiful princess... secretary... mommy...farm wife...

it didn’t matter to her... as long as she could leave, and “become someone important. (I long to hold her, and assure her she already is/was... but that’s a story for later! )

 

Time passed; years came and went. Her life evolved from living in a trailer in Equality, Alabama ( yes, you can visualize stereotype!), to living in a beautiful New England village along the Taunton River in Dighton, Ma ( feel free to visualize stereotype there too!).

 (80’s hair... pre-braces! Oh boy! Glad for these changes! 15yr)

(80’s hair... pre-braces! Oh boy! Glad for these changes! 15yr)

Like many, She’s owned a huge collection of hats... student, Valley Girl wannabe, brief period as a punk rocker, wife at eighteen, mom of first baby on a ventilator 24/7, nurse, ex-wife, second wife, mom of healthy children, Cub Scout mom, ERNurse, ex wife again, new ager, hippie, Wiccan,  second wife, yet again...( third time for her).

New mommy again in her mid thirties, no longer Wiccan...  Sunday School teacher... Patient diagnosed with muscular dystrophy??! ... no longer a nurse... no longer “viable”... no longer strong, or thin, or “anything”... no longer thirtysomething... no longer confident... then... confident yet again...

 

 (“Going grey”...Kansa meditational massage!) 

(“Going grey”...Kansa meditational massage!) 

 

NOW... yes me!  In my forties... no longer simply to be labeled a “Muscular Dystrophy Patient”; NOW a woman living IN SPITE OF Muscular Dystrophy. Still a Sunday School Teacher... now also a homeschool mom. No longer an ex-wife... or angry wife... now  a powerful female who is a wife who’s a person who’s happy and alive! Somewhat sadly, no longer a practicing Nurse... yet an incredibly “viable” human, nurturer, mom, healer, thinker, writer, futuristic female... ...

No longer a person who is able to perform many activities of daily living in the usual way... but with a huge support system, can still manage to adapt and survive in unconventional ways.

Much of this post revolves around my own health... mainly because health is so very cornerstone in all we have... it’s our wealth!

I feel I have lost much in the way of health... but gained so much more in the way of empathy, understanding, wisdom, patience, hope...

 

 (Post Kansa glow! Detoxed! Lipstick only...) 

(Post Kansa glow! Detoxed! Lipstick only...) 

All of this to say: True, I have been given negative news re prognosis... have seen horrible effects in my own mother’s and grandmother’s lives re the same prognosis; however,  I wish to take a sharp turn!! I have no way of knowing my future... I have EVERY way of realizing my current present! I HAVE to be a positive example for my daughters’ future.

We all have this gift of being able to live in this moment, regardless of past negatives and future unknowns! We can spend our present being perfect, or anxious, or short-sighted, or worried, or even depressed...

 

OR WE CAN LIVE!! And for me, LIVING involves embracing change... For the dynamic, uncertain, liquid solid that it is!

I’m not advocating a total lack of security...  (or, my love... even half- a#$%ery!) ...Rather, just the opposite! I’m advocating complete security in the knowledge of a higher power (for me, God); the power of positive thoughts, energy, and words;  the security of knowing I am a spiritual being, made of flesh and energy... and that flesh and energy will take many shapes and forms before I am released from gravity’s bonds; the security of living in, and loving the moment... and then readily receiving the moment that comes next...even if that moment contains a completely new set of circumstance, skills, players, and scene! 

I want the excitement of meeting, learning, and communing with so many other incredible humans at every chance I get! I love to feel the stories of others... touch the fabric of their beautiful, sometimes painful lives... cover our souls with the warmth each other...

 My husband and me writing in the Mastheads  

My husband and me writing in the Mastheads  

THIS is what change has brought about for me!

I picture each of us like my family’s beautiful recycled “intent paper” ( from earlier post... beautiful, sage embedded paper upon which we write intentions, and then set those intentions aflame to release their energy into the ethers)... heavy, fibrous. 

To get this paper, other pages had to be torn, soaked in water, mashed, drained out over a rough screen, and kiln dried over flame...

The flame had to be monitored... the new paper monitored as well...

Too little flame... mush.

Too much flame... burn out!

Eventually, within much controlled destruction, remolding, and careful re-creation by loving, purposeful hands... hands that have a definite future “vision” for that new paper... paper that is NOT yet...

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Eventually... a new creation, more beautiful and richer than the first... emerges from this painful, laborious process! Think butterflies!

That little girl eventually grew up, and became a wife, mom, writer, poet, teacher, advocate, activist, urban farmer, maker... ... ... ...

And LIVED, and continued to evolve happily forever, ever After!

Hopefully this dynamic little girl... younger woman... older woman, can bring others encouragement regarding inevitable change...

 

Rejoice! Prepare! Hang on and take the ride! Good, bad, or indifferent... enjoy! Grow... flex! Glow! Never quit! Because...

 

 Photo by Donna Motta: taken at Magic Wings Butterfly Conservatory

Photo by Donna Motta: taken at Magic Wings Butterfly Conservatory

...It happens...

I want to express my love and gratitude to all who travel on this blog journey with me! I love that We are able to share thoughts and words... and maybe inspiration and encouragement... such a beautiful way to link hearts. Ever thankful to you a Crispina, for sharing the opportunity to be part of this beautiful community of incredible female humans!

Much Love,

Donna