Getting Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable

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Introduction. The theme of the inaugural The Future Is Female six week caper. Instead of telling you where I was born, where I grew up, where I went to school, how many times I have been married and people I know, let me state the important facts. I am a maker. I am also an artist, entrepreneur, teacher, mother, wife, daughter, friend, employee, indigo dyer and self proclaimed Textile Geek. I am also a woman. These, to me, are the most important aspects of my life that define who I am. But there’s one more important aspect about me, at this point in my life, I am also hip-deep in grief at the loss of one of my dearest friends this past October.  I will most likely write about this in future posts. But, truth be told, this last fact about me is the main reason I applied to be a part of Crispina's The Future is Female pilot program; making and being creative are both healing for me. In addition, I needed a distraction from grief. Also, I deeply admire and respect Crispina. She and I met while we were Fiber Art majors in college, and lost touch after graduation. With the advent of social media,I stalked her and we reconnected. Her work, lifestyle and attitudes are refreshing and inspirational. 

A little more about me. 

Two summers ago, I finally carved out a space in my home where I could create. A permanent space. Not the dining room table that had to be cleared when company came over. It occurred to me, then, that it had been years since I had a space like that! How could I have let that happen? I had a lot of making to make up for.  Also, two winters ago, I turned fifty. These two things, that both happened the same year, go hand-in-hand with one another. Both gave me the permission and ability to create without caring about what other people think of me or the things I make. Both events allowed me to call upon my past, my accumulated wisdom and a half century of experiences and let go all of the judgement.

To be on this weekly journey with my fellow bloggers is exhilarating and frightening, both at the same time. I am not a writer, per se (see, I just had to look up “per se” to make sure I was using it correctly). Writing about a pre-selected topic weekly is well outside my zone of comfort. But maybe it’s time to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Writing and journaling my thoughts, feelings and emotions help me organize and process them. Maybe I can work on being uncomfortable as a skill that can be learned. Maybe this skill can be transferable to other areas of my life. What if I succeed at this skill?  Will it enable me to take (baby) steps in other areas of my life that need “adjustments”? 

To quote Brene Brown, the expert on vulnerability, “vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It's tough to do that when we're terrified about what people might see or think.”Because this week's theme is Introductions, I feel very vulnerable. Please insert my inner voice whispering to me “Hey, where is that courage you said you gained when you turned 50 two winters ago?”

Life is a journey and I am looking forward to the next six weeks of  being uncomfortable by being vulnerable, learning and being inspired by this incredible ensemble of kick-ass women Crispina has assembled.  Mary Oliver’s poem, The Summer Day, ends with “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” This will be at the center of my thoughts as I make, create and write here in this space for the next several weeks. Thanks for joining me.

 

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