So here I am

Blogging....this is definitely a new experience for me. I have never been one to let the world see anything that I have written so bear with me through this. I am excited to join this journey through this blog and I am eager to learn about the other 6 woman that are going through this journey with me. I am excited to grow and find out more about myself through this as well. So here I am. 

 

...but who am I 

Well I am an 18 year old, I currently go to Berkshire Community College, I am not working at the moment, I hang out with my friends as much as I can especially when they are home from school, I have 7 month old dreads, I have been vegan for almost 2 years, I am passionate about the problems that are happening the world, I like going to music festivals, I play the ukelele and
I sing, blah bah blah 

That is just regular 18 year old things and those things don't define me as a person...If I am being honest I have no idea who I am. I have spent to much time trying to figure that out. I have been trying new activities like knitting, wire wrapping, painting, and drawing. I have been spending more time with my family. I guess mostly you could just say that I have been bored. Without my friends to distract me I have been alone and finding ways to distract my mind. 

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With winter, my friends being gone and just getting out of a verbally abusive relationship with my ex boyfriend, I have realized how easy it has been to slip into depression. Depression has been running my life these past few weeks. I know that the best way to get rid out it is to get out in the world and be active and happy, but most days I just want to isolate myself and not talk to anyone. which is the worst way to deal with it. Im learning, Im growing, Im getting help. Reaching out and getting help which is something I learned was necessary to avoid scary thoughts and isolation. So here I am... Learning growing and experiencing as much as I can to find out who I am. 

Right now I am learning acceptance and patience with the process. I realize that I am not going to accept myself overnight. I am not going to figure out who I am and what it means to be me overnight. So I am accepting that. I am scared for my future. I am scared for whats next because I have no idea. That feeling of not knowing used to excite me now I am scared. I am Learning to accept that scariness with help and guidance from the earthlings around me and this blog is just the beginning of a long journey. So here I am...just an 18 year old girl trying to find her place in the world. 

follow my journey through pictures on

instgram: @siobhan_13

Shine LOVE

I am on a tear to get organized and challenge myself in new creative ways.  To that end, today, with the help of my good friend Erica, my second teaching video EVER was made and posted  on YouTube in just one day!  Here it is!  It is actually a partner to the Love Shine Heart Garland Kits for sale in my shop.  Take a peek and let me know how you like it.  

Seems like this is the first in what promises to be a series of teaching videos you will find on these pages as my mission unfolds.  Speaking of Mission,  What is your personal mission?  Sunday begins a week of delving into the idea of writing a personal mission for The Future is Female.  Between now and then you will meet a couple more of the amazing group of women contributors with their Introduction posts. 

Seeds for Inspiration

Hello! My name is Madeline Stewart and I like to climb trees

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I feel free with the air swirling and open views from all sides. It is refreshing to be in a space where the birds and squirrels hang out, while humans walk past obliviously, if at all.

I am a creature who gets really close to the ground to check out colorful grains of sand among miniature moss forests. I am a chaser of sunsets, climbing high to extend the distance of passing light.

I am starting to find ways to share these joys and explorations, which is part of why I am writing here today.

I have just embarked on the final months of my Undergraduate career in Glass Art at the Rochester Institute of Technology. In approximately two and a half months, my Thesis Show will be displayed, followed by graduation a month after. I am stepping nearer to a major transitional period in my life…but before I get there, I am immersed in this home stretch of completing my Thesis; the accumulation of four big years of exploration, discovery, and creation.

I am on a Journey with the intention to grow.

Everything starts from a seed of some sort. That bundle of information has the potential energy to expand and impact the rest of existence in bigger ways than one may imagine.

The Future is Female Project is a garden for seeds to be sowed. I am grateful for the aligning of paths and activities, and the opportunity to be involved in the beginning of this collective journey.

Introduction - Beth-Marie Gardner

When there are two forks in the road I take neither and find the deer trail. I’m comfortable with discomfort. What I am motivated by is the good life. Connection, freedom and bad assery are my core values.

I’m living the cowgirl dream. I have an off-grid, homemade house, farm , gardens, cattle, sheep, hogs, birds and eight horses. My man has been my best friend for 15 years. He is my anchor, my refuge, my pain in the ass. My family grows, raises and processes much of our food. Teaching our kids how to work with their hands and the value of good food and where it comes from has been central to our life. We raise our meat from birth through death and process it here on the farm. I remember when my oldest started preschool she asked if she could have a turkey sandwich and potato chips for lunch even though she does love bear rutabaga stew.

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I have ridden horses and loved animals my entire life. I can spend weeks without leaving the farm. I absolutely love my handmade home, although I occasionally need to go out dancing with my girlfriends.

For the last decade I have committed myself to becoming the best horsewoman I can be in this life. Whether I'm riding in the woods, pulling logs, starting a colt, silently perfecting precise maneuvers - I’m most at ease with my horses. I'm committed to becoming the dream human for my horses. I have trained and ridden through three pregnancies and the rearing of those babes. I have bartended on and off for 17 years so I can commit my days to my farm, my kids, on and off homeschooling, my horsemanship, and working with some of the finest horseman in the nation.

My youngest child will be 5 in March, middle is 7 and oldest is 10. I’m changing.. we are changing. For the last decade much of my life force has gone directly into my family and homestead. I’m really tired. I have too many kids, too many farm animals and too many unfinished projects. Farming is hard, there are a lot of sad stories I could tell but I will save that for another day. I recently found a poem I wrote when I was ten. It describes what I want when I grow up.... horses, sheep, cows, dogs, piggies, kids, a nice little house, a delicious husband. I have reached all those dreams. I’m ready to loosen my grip on my ideals and find a slower, more graceful way. I want to step out of survival mode. I have nothing left to prove. I'm already enough. I’m ready to walk the middle path, find ease, listen to the soft quiet voice, focus on joy, love more thoroughly and buy more cookies from Trader Joe’s. Although I'm not quite ready to give up on home raised cheese, pickles and prosciutto.

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Getting Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable

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Introduction. The theme of the inaugural The Future Is Female six week caper. Instead of telling you where I was born, where I grew up, where I went to school, how many times I have been married and people I know, let me state the important facts. I am a maker. I am also an artist, entrepreneur, teacher, mother, wife, daughter, friend, employee, indigo dyer and self proclaimed Textile Geek. I am also a woman. These, to me, are the most important aspects of my life that define who I am. But there’s one more important aspect about me, at this point in my life, I am also hip-deep in grief at the loss of one of my dearest friends this past October.  I will most likely write about this in future posts. But, truth be told, this last fact about me is the main reason I applied to be a part of Crispina's The Future is Female pilot program; making and being creative are both healing for me. In addition, I needed a distraction from grief. Also, I deeply admire and respect Crispina. She and I met while we were Fiber Art majors in college, and lost touch after graduation. With the advent of social media,I stalked her and we reconnected. Her work, lifestyle and attitudes are refreshing and inspirational. 

A little more about me. 

Two summers ago, I finally carved out a space in my home where I could create. A permanent space. Not the dining room table that had to be cleared when company came over. It occurred to me, then, that it had been years since I had a space like that! How could I have let that happen? I had a lot of making to make up for.  Also, two winters ago, I turned fifty. These two things, that both happened the same year, go hand-in-hand with one another. Both gave me the permission and ability to create without caring about what other people think of me or the things I make. Both events allowed me to call upon my past, my accumulated wisdom and a half century of experiences and let go all of the judgement.

To be on this weekly journey with my fellow bloggers is exhilarating and frightening, both at the same time. I am not a writer, per se (see, I just had to look up “per se” to make sure I was using it correctly). Writing about a pre-selected topic weekly is well outside my zone of comfort. But maybe it’s time to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Writing and journaling my thoughts, feelings and emotions help me organize and process them. Maybe I can work on being uncomfortable as a skill that can be learned. Maybe this skill can be transferable to other areas of my life. What if I succeed at this skill?  Will it enable me to take (baby) steps in other areas of my life that need “adjustments”? 

To quote Brene Brown, the expert on vulnerability, “vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It's tough to do that when we're terrified about what people might see or think.”Because this week's theme is Introductions, I feel very vulnerable. Please insert my inner voice whispering to me “Hey, where is that courage you said you gained when you turned 50 two winters ago?”

Life is a journey and I am looking forward to the next six weeks of  being uncomfortable by being vulnerable, learning and being inspired by this incredible ensemble of kick-ass women Crispina has assembled.  Mary Oliver’s poem, The Summer Day, ends with “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” This will be at the center of my thoughts as I make, create and write here in this space for the next several weeks. Thanks for joining me.

 

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